TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize