Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
