i was born a porn star she said
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
