a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
