idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Found your dick twin last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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