Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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