Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
