Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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