I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
