I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
4 words: hood of his car
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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