YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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