I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
