Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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(850): View more from Florida

so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

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(925): View more from California

you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race

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(847): View more from Illinois

At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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(970): View more from Colorado

I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me

(970): View more from Colorado

Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.

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(256): View more from Alabama

My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed

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