I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
