Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
