everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
