My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
