In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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