I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
