You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
