clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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