So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
