sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
40s are totally the cure
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
