I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
