My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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