if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
