You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
