I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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