stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
