I feel like I'm in dance class right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You made out with two different species that night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
