just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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