Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
