just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
