He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
