so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
