im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize