im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
