I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
