my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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