We named our party play list daddy issues
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
