you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
