I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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