Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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