what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
