OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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