were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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