I want to walk on stilts...naked
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
