One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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