Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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