Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
