hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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