ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
