ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
