yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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