You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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