I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
