Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
