The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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