If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Holy sore nipples Batman
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
