Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She bit a glass in half.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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