you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Less talking, more tequila
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
