I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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