the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
