I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
