Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
