R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
