Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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