butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
