Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
