I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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