so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
