Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As shirtless as possible
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize