I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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