Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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