She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
