How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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