when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
