i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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