Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
