Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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