who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
