Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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