Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
