I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize